Czech please

It was recently my turn on the rota to spend the best part of a week performing baby checks - a routine examination that all newborns are subjected to before they make their way home.

I picked up my next set of notes and noticed the obviously Eastern European sounding name. As I introduced myself to the mother she asked if she could feed her baby before its MOT. I obliged and agreed to return after I'd seen the other babies.

On returning I noticed that the respectable, bespectacled mother had now been joined by an imposing looking, frankly brutish character who I assumed to be the father. He sat in the corner of the room, looking around menacingly. Clad in a white vest, exposing his heavily tattooed (and enormous) biceps, he was obviously a devotee of the Bruce Willis school of fashion. The tattoo on his right bicep was alarming: a full-length depiction of a tribesman in bushman dress holding a spear.

Anyway I re-introduced myself and started examining the remarkably cute baby boy. As is my manner, I asked the mother a routine set of questions while putting the baby through its paces.

"Did you experience any complications during pregnancy?"
"Do you suffer from any medical conditions?"
"Did you take any medications over the last 9 months?"

Dad was silent throughout all of this. His silence was intimidating. His hulking presence, even more so.

"Is there a family history of any medical problems?"

Before mum could even answer, Mr Willis sprang into life.

"VOT?" he boomed
"erm...Is there a family history of any medical problems?"

He mumbled an incomprehensible sequence of consonants to his wife and replied,

"NO. BABY, HEALTHY. ME, HEALTHY. FAMILY, HEALTHY. MY MOTHER 82, HEALTHY. MY FATHER 85, HEALTHY. DRINK WHISKY. WE FROM CZECH REPUBLIC. YOU KNOW IT?"

In a desperate bid to connect with the family patriarch I nodded and enquired about the tattoo.

"ME. HUNTER." he eloquently replied.

I continued the examination now under Mum and Mr Willis' gaze. As I drew things to a close and reassured them both as to their son's health, dad had a question for me,

"EYES VOT COLOUR?"
"Blue", I responded.

He smiled broadly as if my medical skills were only now confirmed.